Oh well.. so I’m in my 30s now…
yeah… it sucks xD haha! Or maybe not. It’s not that bad (I’m trying to convince myself here that it is not bad!).
I’ve been having this identity crisis or something lately and I’ve been on and off with everything cause I don’t know what I want and I’m 30. I don’t know what I want or where I wanna go. I don’t have any plans or specific goals anymore like I used to and it kinda just feels empty. At first I saw this as a very bad thing: that I dont have a plan and I dont know what I want anymore. But now I’m kinda finding peace with it. I guess it’s okay that I dont know what I want or where I wanna go in life or where I wanna be in 10 years or whatever. I’m tired of trying hard to plan my life and then it ends up in a different turn anyways. It turns to a different way in a good way though, so don’t get me wrong: life is not bad at all! I’m just not used to not have goals or a specific plan for the future and now I actually just want to live life day by day and embrace all the good things I have in life right now. It’s a new and weird feeling. Maybe that is what turning 30 feels like huh? :P
I’ve learned so much this year and I guess the last couple of years and I’ve grown a lot and I think I’m tired of society’s expectations of how I am supposed to live life. There’s so much to life and lately I have been feeling like I have been missing out on life a lot because I had all these rules and expectations to live up to and I’m tired of it. The reason I feel all this might also be because I am in another place in life right now where I am somehow independent or I’m trying to be. And I have this whole life for myself where I can do whatever the heck I want and I just want to enjoy and embrace that instead of worrying about what is next and where I am supposed to be. It is making me exhausted.
Another thing is (and I have said it before); No one have it all figured it out. Everyone pretend to have this perfect life and shows the best version of their lives which it totally fair, but reality is we are all trying to figure this thing called life out. And reality is: sometimes it’s a mess, and sometimes it’s lonely, and sometimes it’s filled with joy and amazing beautiful moments! That’s the beauty of life. So instead of trying hard to figure everything out, I want to just live my life, create beautiful memories and see where this takes me… I think this is how I want to start my 30s… with a clean empty canvas… <3