Goodbye 2022: healing from PTSD, stepping back from work and falling in love

2022 has been really good to me. I feel grateful and blessed. I learned so much and I evolved so so much.

To be honest the first half year was tough and very challenging. I also reached a point where I kinda felt like just giving up too. Six months into the year after some healing work, getting more out of my comfort zone and opening up; everything turned upside down and I felt better. I got inspired and motivated again and most importantly: I felt genuinely happy and at peace (again). I can’t remember when I last felt like this exactly, or if I’ve ever felt like this at all before to be honest. I’m getting more in depth about this further down.

2022 is the year where I’ve been healing a lot… I had to step back a from working to take care of my health… aaand I fell in love

Healing from anxiety and PTSD

The first 6 months I struggled with a lot of mental health issues. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety issues and I also have PTSD which has been very difficult this year especially. I’ve been going to several therapy and treatment sessions and I got better but it wasn’t enough to keep going steadily. I wasn’t mentally or physically stable at all. My PTSD reacts both physically and mentally. I had struggles with breathing, I zoned out a lot, issues with concentration, mood swings, tired, lack of sleep, nightmares, stomach pain, gut health issues, headaches and a lot of anxiety attacks. I’ve been struggling with this for years but the symptoms got worse at the end of 2021 and beginning of 2022.

I learned a lot of tools through therapy to cope with the symptoms and it worked but just not enough to be steady enough. Then I started on medicine this year and that helped a lot and changed a lot of things. I’ve been against medicine for I think 6-7 years where I only went to therapy but since I was still struggling; I decided to give medicine a try. The first few months were hard with the side effects which made me even more depressed, tired and exhausted. I also had to increase the amount of medicine very fast since it didn’t do much at first. After increasing the amount a couple of times I could feel a difference. To be honest; it felt like I could FEEL happiness again. I’ve had this facade up for so long with smiling and being all positive and pretending that I didn’t know how it is to actually feel happy. I think I just got used to pretending and I convinced myself that things were all good.

The medicine helped me to feel happy again and the feeling was new and uncomfortable at first but in a good way. I did everything by the book and a lot of therapy and I still couldn’t feel sincerely happy until I started on the medicine. It was such a game changer for me this year. The first 6 months or something I had to step back a lot of times and cancel plans several times because I wasn’t feeling well and because I was mentally and physically drained from energy and I was unstable. I felt burned out all the time. It was tough and one of the toughest part were actually to try to explain this to close ones, cause not everyone gets it; which is totally fair, but it can be hard. Some misinterpreted it as I prioritized differently and to some extend it is true: I started prioritizing my needs and my health before everything else but it was nothing personal. I still have period of times where I need to step back if I feel overwhelmed. I’ve come to accept that I sometimes just need my space to recharge and that’s how I’m built. I have to listen to my body and mind. So yeah I’m that friend you sometimes only see like once a year or twice maybe :P

May the new year bring peace, love and happiness

This also affected my job. Luckily my colleagues and my work place has been so kind about this. They made sure that I got the time I needed to work on my challenges and they followed up and made sure that I was ok. Their support meant the world to me and I’m so grateful. I couldn’t ask for a better work place than this. They have been supportive and understanding and it was such a positive motivation for me. But this meant that I had to work less hours since I was sick and needed treatment and my body had to adjust to the medicine too. Usually we work 40 hours a week. I only worked 26 hours so I could focus on my mental health and go to therapy. I went to group therapy for anxiety first in 2021 and then I got sent to a PTSD treatment in 2022 begning of the year cause the group therapy triggered my PTSD. After finishing that they suggested that I found a private therapist since I still have to work on my symptoms and challenges that I have.

Love life, traveling and cookies

The last 6 months have been amazing though. I started feeling better. I started working out more. I started prioritizing my needs. I started to feel happy again. I started going on dates. I tried a dating app for the first time in my life ever. I spent time with my colleagues and I was more focused when working. Also I felt more confident when working. I got less anxiety attacks. I started being very open and honest about what I’m dealing with and what I need. I started performing better in work out sessions with my personal trainer, at my job, at my singing lessons etc. I also fell in love and got into a relationship this year, which has been very good for me. I went to Poland twice to the Poland office and spend time with our Polish colleagues. I went to Havana with my friends which was amazing.
I went to mini golf and bouldering with my colleagues. I got a HUUUGE dentist bill which I’ll never forget in my life. I saw a lot of beautiful sunrises, sunsets and full moons this year. I went to a one day trip to Malmø with friends. I went to AROS with friends which also somehow ended up on my highlight for this year, cause it was just such an amazing day. I went sightseeing in Copenhagen with our family from Canada. I got addicted to watching a Turkish series this year which I loved. I got addicted to cookies from Munchies; their banana chocolate cookies are the most delicious thing ever!

Even though this year has been tough; this year has also been really amazing! I’ve met amazing people, bonded with a lot of new people, got closer to my family, and in general I’m just more happy and at peace than I’ve ever been for the longest time. Maybe it’s just because I’m in my 30s now :P haha


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